I am really fortunate to find this book. It is one of the best book I have read on improving communication skills.
“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” — Dr. Laurence J. Peter
The authors describe the crucial conversation is a moment when the other person/party is of opposing opinion (conflicting view), strong emotions are involved and stake is very high.
How do we typically handles the crucial conversations:
1. We can avoid them
2. We can face them and handle them poorly
3. We can face them and handle them well.
Given the three choice the best strategy is to "handle them well".But the problem is when it matter most we do worst!
----
Summary of Steps Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler, identify 7 principles for mastering your crucial conversations:
Step 1. Start with Heart In this step, the key is to stay focused on what you really want. How do you know what you really want? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest asking yourself:
Step 2. Learn to Look In this step, the key is to recognize when safety is at risk. How do you know when safety is at risk? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest the following:
Step 3. Make It Safe In this step, the key is to make it safe. How do you make it safe to talk about almost anything? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest the following:
Step 4. Master My Stories In this step, the key is to stay in dialogue, even when you start to go into fight-or-flight mode. How do you stay in dialogue when you’re angry, scared or hurt? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest the following:
Retrace your path by asking the following questions:
Step 5. STATE My Path The key in this step is to stay connected and avoid escalating. How do you speak persuasively, not abrasively? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest the following:
Step 7. Move to Action The key in this step is to identify actions. Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler write:
“Determine who does what by when. Make the deliverables crystal clear. Set a follow-up time. Record the commitments and then follow up. Finally, hold people accountable to their promises.”
The key here is to turn crucial conversations into action and results!
“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” — Dr. Laurence J. Peter
The authors describe the crucial conversation is a moment when the other person/party is of opposing opinion (conflicting view), strong emotions are involved and stake is very high.
How do we typically handles the crucial conversations:
1. We can avoid them
2. We can face them and handle them poorly
3. We can face them and handle them well.
Given the three choice the best strategy is to "handle them well".But the problem is when it matter most we do worst!
----
Summary of Steps Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler, identify 7 principles for mastering your crucial conversations:
Step 1. Start with Heart In this step, the key is to stay focused on what you really want. How do you know what you really want? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest asking yourself:
- What do I really want for myself?
- What do I really want for others?
- What do I really want for the relationship?
Step 2. Learn to Look In this step, the key is to recognize when safety is at risk. How do you know when safety is at risk? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest the following:
- Learn to look at content and conditions.
- Look for when things become crucial.
- Learn to watch for safety problems.
- Look to see if others are moving toward silence or violence.
- Look for outbreaks of your Style Under Stress.
Step 3. Make It Safe In this step, the key is to make it safe. How do you make it safe to talk about almost anything? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest the following:
- Decide which condition of safety is at risk. Is mutual purpose at risk? Is mutual respect at risk?
- Apologize when appropriate.
- Contrast to fix misunderstanding.
- CRIB to get to Mutual Purpose (Commit to seek Mutual Purpose, Recognize the purpose behind the strategy, Invent a Mutual Purpose, Brainstorm new strategies.)
Step 4. Master My Stories In this step, the key is to stay in dialogue, even when you start to go into fight-or-flight mode. How do you stay in dialogue when you’re angry, scared or hurt? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest the following:
Retrace your path by asking the following questions:
- Am I in some form of silence or violence
- What emotions are encouraging you to ask this way?
- What story is creating these emotions?
- What evidence do you have to support this story?
- Watch for clever stories.
- Are you pretending not to notice your role in the problem?
- Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?
- What do you really want?
- What would you do right now if you really wanted these results?
Step 5. STATE My Path The key in this step is to stay connected and avoid escalating. How do you speak persuasively, not abrasively? Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler suggest the following:
- Share your facts. Start with the least controversial, most persuasive elements from your Path to Action.
- Tell your story. Explain what you’re beginning to conclude.
- Ask for other’s paths. Encourage others to share both their facts and their stories.
- Talk tentatively. State your story as a story – don’t disguise it as a fact.
- Encourage testing. Make it safe for others to express differing or eve opposing views.
- Ask. Start by simply expressing interest in the other person’s views.
- Mirror. Increase safety by respectfully acknowledging the emotions people appear to be feeling.
- Paraphrase. As others begin to share part of their story, restate what you’ve heard.
- Prime. If others continue to hold back, take your best guess as what they may be thinking and feeling.
- Agree. Agree when you do.
- Build. If others leave something out, agree where you do, then build.
- Compare. When you do differ significantly, don’t suggest others are wrong. Compare your views.
Step 7. Move to Action The key in this step is to identify actions. Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler write:
“Determine who does what by when. Make the deliverables crystal clear. Set a follow-up time. Record the commitments and then follow up. Finally, hold people accountable to their promises.”
The key here is to turn crucial conversations into action and results!
No comments:
Post a Comment